BUSTin' Ass

In the latest issue of Bust Magazine (an appropriate and awesome name for the feminist in all of us), Brendan Tapley wrote an important article entitled, "Man Up." I was immediately drawn to it for its unconventionality: relationship improvement advice for men. Who would have thunk - maybe the guys could use some self-reflection! It is obvious that Tapley is extremely knowledgeable in gender, especially masculine, studies, and that he could say a great deal more than he did in the short two-page article. Regardless, he made some damn good points that I'd love to share.

He begins the article with a discussion objecting to "the guy alibi," an excuse for a man to act insensitively because, "he's just a guy." The Guy Alibi excuses men from responsibility, putting the weight of a relationship almost entirely on the woman. He says, "The 'just a guy' defense invariably shifts the burden of thoughtfulness, introspection, and conscience - the very acts of love - to the woman." But when both the man and woman lose the alibi, despite the initial discomfort of nonconformity, it becomes easier to create a more authentic and intimate relationship.

Tapley goes on to advise about the importance of the bromance. He explains how the modern idea of masculinity affects our mindset: "the more capable we are living without love, the tougher and more male we seem." Bromances allow men to convey the open expression of love that societal norms deprive them of. And when it comes to relationships with women, men have been so programmed to suppress loving gestures that they are not always sure how to connect with their partners. Part of them yearns to show love, while another fears a gay, and thus embarrassing, display. Bromances, therefore, help to alleviate that pent-up desire for intimacy and improve the balance in relationships with women.

Lastly, the author writes that men should be more chivalrous in order to show women that they can be supportive, committed partners. He says, "As women have [. . .] grown to expect their best connections to come from other women, modern masculinity has responded by narrowing itself." And this is shown in television sitcoms and commercials that portray men as clueless, burdensome buffoons, only further damaging our perspective of men. To change this, men can use chivalrous actions (not to assist women, but to acknowledge them) to improve their relationships.

I found Tapley's article to be quite refreshing, and unfortunately only something to be found in such a woman-empowering, alternative magazine such as Bust. But, I'd say better there than nowhere.

On that note, I wish you all a sweet night and happy winter days.

Smiles and Jams,

Prof

From the Ironing Board

Perhaps I've been watching too much Mad Men, but I'm hooked on gimlets lately, so I figured I'd share a recipe.

1.5 oz. Gin (or vodka, but I prefer gin)
1 oz. Lime juice

I add a touch of sugar to kill the bite. Enjoy this classic shaken over ice.

Eat, drink and be well.

-Squid

Jam Sesh

As I sit amongst pillows and strewn clothing, snuggly in a sweater dress, thinking of all the books I want to read in the little time I have, my crackling heater seems to tell me that it is time for a Jam Sesh.

Although the holidaze have arrived, the majority of this session will not in fact be devoted to Christmas (/Chanukah/Kwanzaa) carols. Instead, I would like to celebrate the music of one of my favorites - The Decemberists. At first I was hesitant to choose them due to their out-of-date status. But in light of their upcoming new album, I think they deserve some additional recognition; and where better than the JAM Bar?

And I must say, straight off, that if you have not pleasured your ears and souls with the tunes of the Decemberists, do it as soon as possible. There are among the few artists whose every single song I like (that sentence was strangely put, but say in a British accent, and it will seem smarter).

On the eighteenth of January in the new year, The King is Dead will be released. Lead singer/songwriter and brilliant beautiful man Colin Meloy has really done it this time. The sound of the album is more on the light folksy side, seeming to have come out of left field after the dark electric guitar in their last release, a rock opera called The Hazards of Love. But as with each of their albums, I know it will be a gem in itself. I anxiously await its release (but I may have to snag an early slightly-not-so-legal copy off my friend out of pure impatience).

Have a listen (and a tease) of their newest shtuff: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR9DjdMrpHg

I did not paint this gorgy portrait of Colin, but I do plan on whipping up a sketch of him in the future. When I do, the Bar will surely be the first to see it.

Squid loves HRC.

Click, read and be proud.

To lighten the mood...

I feel bad for being in such an angry mood as of late so here are some jokes to put a smile on everyone's faces:

Joke 1:

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was dead.

Joke 2:

Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was stapled to the first monkey.

You're welcome.

More of Carol's Rantings

Whilst reading an article about exercise in Vogue on a five hour car trip this weekend, the second sentence caught my attention:

"Here we all are, trying to shape a body worthy of this season's long and lean dresses, maybe even a midsection viable in knit, while not letting vanity interfere too egregiously with our regularly scheduled responsibilities as lovers, mothers, workers, and friends."

There's a reason I don't typically read fashion magazines anymore: while Vogue portrays powerful, successful women in the fashion industry and elsewhere, its articles only give importance to the average woman in terms of her relationships with other people. We are lovers, mothers, workers, and friends, but never autonomous human beings with unique desires, individuals who love themselves for the way they are regardless of other people, or agents who accomplish things independently. Apparently, our biggest goals and joys in life are to serve the men, children, and friends in our lives. I'm not arguing purely against relationships here (I believe that relationships give life meaning and importance), but would you ever find this statement in a magazine for men? I think not. Why is women's value constantly depicted solely in terms of other people? Can't we ever be good enough on our own?

At the Steele family Thanksgiving this weekend, I encountered more of this offensive attitude towards women. I was having a conversation with a friend who came over for pumpkin pie and we were talking about school. Good ol' Grandpa Steele comes over and says, "Oh, probably talking about boys, are we?" And I responded, "No, neither of us need a man to complete us. We're perfectly fine without them and they are not the only subject of our conversations." So Grandpa Steele responded, "That sounds like a women's liberation movement kind of statement," with that sarcastic and judgmental tone typical of many men from his generation when discussing those dirty words, "feminism" and "women's liberation."

First of all, what the hell did his statement even mean? Seemingly sexist as he is, my grandfather has always told me that I can achieve anything I put my mind to, that I will go far in life because of my hard work, and that I can have any job I want if I try hard enough, regardless of my gender. So why is the idea of my being an autonomous, independent woman who is not dependent on men so revolutionary to him? Isn't my statement representative of essentially the same things he's been telling me my entire life? I guess it's okay to be successful as long as you still acknowledge men's prominent role in determining your happiness and recognizing that, contrary to what you may believe, you're still dependent on them underneath it all.

Jam Sesh

It seems I have been promoted to create a weekly music post. I am honored to say the least, as my fellow bloggers have a much more extensive musical knowledge than do I. But, I promise not to fail you, my friendly readers! I expect you to expect only the most unexpectedly wonderful songs to appear weekly (as expected) on the JAM Bar. So prepare yourself.

Now, the first Jam Sesh must be a good one. This is quite intimidating, and I can foresee myself going slightly overboard in an attempt to impress you. I will try to keep things under control.

Two words: Ben Sollee. Whatta guy! Lately I've been on a Ben Sollee kick, so I think I will begin with him.

He's a Kentuckian cellist with a voice so pure and genuine, fingers nimble, and a face that will make your legs go jelloid (well, maybe that's just me). His album Learning to Bend is magnificent, and his collaborative album with Daniel Martin Moore (a lanky, well-dressed, Ray-Ban-wearing young lad) is also worth a listen. I was lucky enough to see Ben and Daniel this summer at the Newport Folk Festival in Rhode Island. And I was more than happy to find his performance to be better in person than in recording. Perhaps the combination of the perfect warm and breezy weather, good friends, and being surrounded by hippies contributed to the bursting love I fell into while listening to the songs. Regardless, I do feel a need to share his tunes.

Ben's unique tenor vocals accompanied by the gorgeous deep cello creates a perfect musical marriage. His music allows me to have an experience; there is a feeling of freeing lightness and heavy drowsiness all at once.

Please enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0uotyNjB2M&feature=player_embedded

I also feel the need to mention a wildly soulful woman who has been frequently gracing my iTunes this past week: Ella. And if I even have to say Fitzgerald, you should be ashamed of yourself. --No, no, that is only a joke, for I love with all my heart each any every reader no matter whose music you listen to.-- But Ella truly is a wonder, and I tend to forget how soothing and uplifting her voice can be. I have a great love for composer and songwriter Cole Porter, and I enjoy nothing more than listening to Ella sing from the his Songbook while lip-syncing along alone in my room. I recommend "Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye," and (although it's not Cole Porter) "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered" to fill that empty space in your heart that can belong only to Ella.

Smiles and Jams,

Prof